Part 2 – The Deeper Layers of Self-Work in Therapy
- Dr Tiffany Leung
- Apr 23
- 7 min read
— How Therapy Supports Inner Conflict, Relational Stuckness, and Holding Complexity
So you’ve started therapy — and maybe you’ve already noticed some changes.
You might feel more aware. A bit more grounded. You’ve begun to name emotions, see your patterns, and even feel a little lighter.
But then… a different layer of work begins to emerge.
Therapy deepens. It becomes less about what’s happening on the surface, and more about how you carry and contain what’s coming up in you.
It is about building the safety you need to do this deep work, and learning how to stay with the discomfort of being in process.
This is often where clients start to encounter inner conflicts, emotional complexity, and even moments of discomfort within the therapy relationship itself.
This second article on the deeper layers of self-work in therapy, explores what happens as the work deepens — and how these challenges are not signs of failure, but important thresholds in your self-growth.
See the previous articles if you want to know more about
🔗 Part 1: What Happens After You Start Self-Work in Therapy
1. Becoming Aware of Inner Conflicts
As therapy deepens, you may begin to notice inner tensions — two parts of yourself pulling in different directions.
“I want to set boundaries, but I also want to be liked.”
“I want closeness, but I also need space.”
These inner conflicts aren’t problems to be eliminated — they’re invitations to understand your complexity. Therapy becomes the space where you can bring them to light, find language for both — and sometimes even more — parts of you, explore them gently, and hold them with compassion.
Over time, clients often say:
“It doesn’t feel as black and white anymore — I’m learning to sit with the grey.”
2. Cultivating Internal Safety
For many people, beginning therapy means coming face-to-face with a familiar discomfort: the difficulty of sitting with one’s own vulnerability.
As deeper emotions arise, the need for emotional safety becomes even more essential.
Some feelings may arrive quietly — shame, grief, fear — while others feel overwhelming or strangely absent. And yet, learning to stay with these emotions, without judgment or urgency to fix them, is a powerful part of the self-work journey.
To sit with vulnerability requires tremendous courage.
We first learn to be with our discomfort alone — and then, to allow ourselves to be seen in that state by your psychologist or therapist. This can feel exposing at first, especially if your early environments didn’t model emotional safety or connection.
Therapy becomes a space where this safety is gradually cultivated — not assumed, but built together, with mutual respect and care.
Clients often ask:
“Is it okay that this feels hard to say?”
“How do I know when I feel safe?”
“Can I tell you when something feels too much?”
These questions are not detours — they are the work. Exploring what helps you feel emotionally safe is itself a key part of the process.
It can be deeply helpful to bring emotional safety into your sessions — to explore together what safety feels like for you, and what conditions you need (internally and relationally with your therapist) to allow yourself to be fully present.
Over time, the more you feel safe in your therapeutic relationship, the more you begin to feel safe within yourself — even in the face of difficult emotions.
3. Fostering Internal Balance
With increasing self-awareness often comes the challenge of balance.
As your inner awareness expands — through reflection, emotional insight, or growing sensitivity — it’s natural to encounter moments where things feel too much… or not enough.
You might find yourself questioning:
“Am I going too deep?”
“Why am I not feeling more?”
“Shouldn’t I be progressing faster?”
One of the most important inner qualities to develop during therapy is a sense of balance — the ability to notice your own rhythm and pace, and to work with it compassionately.
Sometimes you might reflect deeply and gain powerful insights. Other times, you may need to stay close to the surface, focusing on stability or daily functioning. Both are valid.
Therapy becomes a space to:
Recognise when you’re emotionally flooded
Notice when you’re avoiding or bypassing
Learn how to titrate (regulate) your own engagement with inner work
Growth isn’t a race. It’s a rhythm — and part of the work is learning how to stay connected to yourself, without burning out or disconnecting entirely.
This ability to sense your own pace — and to honour it — becomes one of the most empowering parts of your growth.
This inner balance allows you to stay connected to yourself without becoming overwhelmed. It’s what helps you sustain growth, even when life outside is demanding.
4. Meeting Moments of Internal Stuckness
There are times when the work feels stuck. You might feel like you’re going in circles, revisiting the same themes, or unsure what’s changing.
Some clients also come into therapy at this very stage — a place of deep awareness, yet still feeling held in the arms of an unchanged self.
This is common, and it can be frustrating.
But stuckness is not failure. It’s often the threshold before a deeper shift.
Sometimes, simply naming the stuckness in therapy is a powerful act of movement.
You might feel frustrated, scared, disheartened — or even want to retreat.
And yet, this is often the point where many clients begin to develop a relationship with their stuckness — learning to stay with it rather than pushing it away. It takes incredible care to listen to what it’s saying, to understand its purpose, and to gently explore how it might shift when held in a space of trust.
This kind of contact can be transformative. Naming the stuckness, sitting with it, and staying in connection with your therapist through it — these are the early signs of integration.
Growth can be quiet. And sitting with what feels unmoving can be part of the work.
5. Bringing Stuckness Into the Therapy Relationship
Sometimes the feeling of stuckness isn’t just internal — it shows up between you and your therapist.
You might feel out of sync with their style, uncertain about the direction of your sessions, or hesitant to share something important.
These moments are normal, and they can feel vulnerable to name. But naming them is not a rupture — it’s an important part of the process.
Therapy should be a space where even the experience of therapy can be explored.
If you’re feeling uncertain, it can be helpful — and empowering — to bring this into the room. Questions like:
“Can we talk about how the last session felt for me?”
“I’m unsure where this is going — can we reflect on that together?”
“There’s something I want to say, but I don’t know how…”
These conversations often become some of the most growthful parts of the therapeutic relationship. They model safety, honesty, and relational repair — and they support your ability to advocate for yourself outside the therapy room as well.
Stuckness in the relationship isn’t a sign of failure. It also can often lead to the beginning of deeper work.
And just as you’re encouraged to share what feels difficult or unclear, your therapist may also bring in relational observations — gently and respectfully to deepen the work.
Whether it’s something they’ve noticed in the dynamic, or a gentle check-in about how things are going, these moments are part of what makes therapy a real relationship — human, mutual, and evolving.
Therapy, like all meaningful relationships, takes time to build. It includes moments of friction, misattunement, or uncertainty which require attention, care and dialogue.
All of it can also become part of the work, and part of what fosters real growth.
All of it can become part of the work, and part of what fosters real growth.
Final Reflection (on The Deeper Layers of Self-Work in Therapy)
Therapy is not just about insight. It’s about integration.
It’s not about becoming a “perfect” version of yourself — it’s about becoming more you.
Sometimes, growth is loud and full of breakthroughs. Other times, it’s quiet and slow — like an internal shift that no one else sees, but you feel it.
“The therapeutic relationship, when held with care and honesty, often becomes one of the most healing parts of the work.”
If you’re here, it means you’ve been doing the work — showing up, exploring, deepening.
I hope these reflections offer you reassurance and a deeper understanding of your own unfolding process. And if you're just beginning to explore therapy, I hope this gives you permission to move at your own pace.
Therapy isn’t just a space for insight. It’s a space for becoming.
If you recognise yourself in this journey — or are just beginning to wonder what therapy could mean for you — you’re warmly invited to reach out.
🌿About Author Dr Tiffany Leung
I'm UK-based chartered psychologist with 13+ years of experience in therapy, coaching, and self-development. Holding a Professional Doctorate in Counselling Psychology from the University of Manchester, I work within the NHS and offer private practice services, supporting diverse clients in English, Cantonese, and Mandarin to achieve emotional well-being and personal growth.
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